Today I caught myself being wicked. As the dentist chastised me for “telling them off” I couldn’t stop obsessing about it. (like I still am now…) not for what I said, which I felt was pretty tame, compared to some of the things I have said. But for being looked at, by the dentist, as not as cute and wonderful as he thought I was the first time I met him.

As he worked on my teeth, I sat there trying to find a way to save face…to take the doctor back to the place where I was nice and sweet and perfect. But I questioned myself as to why this is bugging me so much…and sure enough it was what the others were thinking of me that was driving me crazy. You cant control it. What other’s think of you. You can do your best to put your best face forward, but inside I feel like there a swirling center of sin…rumbling, rolling and demanding attention. Sometimes a little steam will escape. I catch myself giving the fuck me look to a man who caught my eye, when his girl is turned away. I find myself coveting what others have and trying to hide my own selfish behavior.

I am extremely selfish and wicked in my relationship with Atlanta, Georgia. I have him wrapped around my little finger and I never let him forget it. I sweetly have total control of the relationship and sometimes treat him like I have control of him also.I know that I only have as much control as he allows me to BELIEVE I have…but I deliciously revel in the thoughts of having the upper hand, Having control of the situation. Treating him like a naughty child.

How self indulgent